Self care is not…

…something that can be defined in such a black and white matter. Self care differs from being to being. Self care for me could be different for you, what helps me through my human routines could be polar opposite of your techniques, regardless, we shouldn’t judge others for what helps them get through mundane tasks and their day.

I saw a rather negative post going around tumblr, that basically said self care is not bath bombs, fancy lotions, herbal tea, etc. That self care isn’t brand names. Though I get that the original poster was touching on how mental illness has become romanticized in modern times. Some beautiful waif weaves a tragic tale of her life and everyone marvels in her mysterious darkness. Young people tend to brag about self diagnosed disorders in order to be dark and broody but don’t understand the real struggles of the disorders that slip from their tongues so freely. The love affair with depression and anxiety in media and in society needs to stop, and a true understanding of mental illness needs to begin. However, making people feel guilty for what they may define as self care doesn’t contribute to the understanding, it wages a divide instead.

What if a bath bomb from Lush is the only thing that can lure someone in the tub to bathe? How do you know that bath bomb doesn’t help soothe the overwhelming sensory overload that someone on the autism spectrum could feel in the water. What if the feeling of water on someone’s skin is too heavy, heavy like the depressive episode they re stuck in. There is a glimmer of hope in each speck of glitter that their body can let it all flow away like water on a duck’s back. Hope in the darkness down the drain, the inevitable nothingness. What if they still can’t drag themselves to shower because their paranoid episode is worse than they’d experienced in a long time. What if the only way they can smell decent enough to drag themselves to therapy is a bottle of scented lotion? What if the only smell they can stomach is some fake lavender that covers the body odor long enough for them to exist outside for a couple hours? Maybe a cup of herbal tea accompanied by a tiny glass pipe of marijuana in the mornings is the only way to defeat nausea in the mornings. Maybe a cup of tea is a safe warm place that can calm one down after a panic episode because it reminds them of a positive person in their life.

As long as someone is caring for themselves in some way, as long as they aren’t harming themselves, what does it matter if their bathing routine includes something from a fancy shop? Why do people have to so bitterly define things in some sort of social justice rage to make others feel guilty? So many people are just learning the boundaries and borders of their mental illness, and have to face being nitpicked because they don’t follow one person on the internets broken ideal of mental illness. Not everyone exists in exactly the same matter, and no two people are alike. Your suave coconut shampoo could be someone’s bath bomb. Your weathered and worn washcloth could be their scented lotion. Your 6 cups of coffee could be their two cups of tea. Do not make others feel guilty for how they handle their mental illness, you are not on their psychiatric team and even then their own team shouldn’t make them feel as terrible as social media posts can. Words can stick and stab, and when you’re already trying to look for understanding, feeling like a cliche in a community meant to embrace you can really sting.

I cannot be the only person who has grown sick of the faux social justice people throw out these days. I’m not talking all social justice, but the posts that tear others down based on a boxed view of a situation, or in this case, disorders. Even those of us dealing with mental illness and varying disorders do not truly understand everyone else dealing with their own issues, but we can be more open to those who do not fit in the cookie cutter labels thrown at us. Let’s end the stigma, and begin to broaden our knowledge of mental illness. Self care is whatever ultimately helps you to be healthier and happier, self care is what motivates you to brush your teeth, brush your hair and get out of bed. Self care is many things, and we should embrace it. We have been judged far too long by “normal” people, must we judge one another too?